Pollen.

There is no longer any confusion whatsoever as to of WHY my allergies are acting SO HEINOUS as of late. Makes perfect sense now. But, in other news, do you see the small numbers at the bottom? Stoked. I'll blow my itchy nose all day if the forecast will look like that for me! Shoots.

Are you over my endless summer rants? Well, I'm not.. sorry. (:
ENDLESSSSSSSS.

Snaggle.

Does anyone else out there want adult braces? Did you also have them as a teen and break your retainer and watched your chompers go to crap? Ah. Alas... I only had braces on my front four teeth (those that now need braces the worst), and I am now regretting my teenage negligence. I tell Andrew all the time that someday when we can afford orthodontics, I want braces. And no, I don't want to pay the billion dollars for invisalign, just give me the fastest & least expensive way to get rid of this snaggle tooth. Yes, I have one. My family loves it, or loves teasing me about it.. which ever.

Bleh. Isn't it crazy, I WANT BRACES.
Not this Kirsten Dunst look.. no offense to her, she's beautiful even with her teeth arrangement.

Also on the list of things to fix with myself, my eyes have been killing me, which is a sign I need to get my lens prescription up'd soon! My glasses these days aren't soothing the strain like they used to. Rumor has it that eyes get worse with age, and I totally believe that rumor.

While we're at it, I have a Quasimodo in my wrist. A cyst that is, from working with my hands so much. Time to get that drained.

Mmmm. You love reading my blog, it's full of ailments. Haha.

House Arrest.

The ugliest, creepiest, and most horrifying creation on this earth has been keeping me under house arrest. It also has forced Birdie into minimal potty breaks, and myself into extremely minimal garden tending. I even went so far as to walk around our apartment to water our tomato plant from above our patio fence.

I hate this thing so much. It's scary, it's smart, did I mention ugly?, and HUGE. The tunneled web is almost as gross as the thing itself. I call it the mother spider. And it's life must end. The last few nights we've seen it crawl out of it's nasty home and sit out for hunting. Creepiest looking thing of my life. Andrew has already made 2 attempts at killing it, with no luck. It's made it into that terrible corner both times, and NOW we've only pissed it off. I know it knows. And it is definitely angry. I swear it watches me if I let Birdie out because recently I've seen it's legs moving around (I have chills and a very fast heart rate going right now as I tell you this). And it's re-enforced it's fortress and I think it knows what's about to happen. I am now worried it's plotting to attack Turdling, and I can't sleep at night. I stay up for hours paranoid that it's children are the reasons I feel an 'itch' or a 'tickle' on my leg/body, and I feel sorry Andrew has to deal with my reactions, although I think I could scream and he'd continue sleep talking.

I'm not overreacting. No. I know I'm not because in the month and a half that we've been here, I have seen and killed more spiders then I've ever seen in my LIFE. I KID YOU NOT. We have found many 'mini-mothers' in the house and frankly I'm about to lose it. I worry that Bird is going to get bit in the night in her cage on the floor. And I now make my bed in the most anal way possible to make SURE I don't tuck any in comfortably. I have reason, considering I've found 2 on my made bed, and 3 on the lovesac. I SIT AND SLEEP IN THESE PLACES!

For the first time in my life I actually understand summer sales, and those turd friends of mine who wheel and deal and sell pest control. I've never seen a need, nor found their cause worthy, but that's only because my sweet sweet landlord has always had our home sprayed in the spring, and we've lived spider free for our entire marriage. Have I thanked you for that, Mindy? THANK YOU! Also, the only pest we dealt with growing up was always an insane amount of ants due to the fact that our house was built on their 'hill'.

Anyway, tonight when Andrew gets home it's WAR. We will not stop until I know this thing is dead and gone. I can't do this anymore. I would rather swim with sharks then live with these terrors around my home --oh wait, I've already done the first... happily.

Operation END MOTHER SPIDER starts now. With our spade, spray (I'm going to purchase in MINUTES), jar, shoes, whatever it takes.

it's going down.
or so help me..

DMV

Oh man, time for the dreaded trip to change my name (yes, 2 years later) on my drivers license.. I know, I'm excited because that means no more questions about why my name does not match my debit card perfectly, but I can't stand the place. Then again, no one can.
Wish me luck & short lines!

{photo via Flickr}

Blanketed Window

You know, I've never understood the people who make an effort to hang up a blanket over their already blind covered window... until now.

We happen to be living in a east facing bedroom, which means it can get really hot.. really early. Like, 7am early. So what did I do in my fit of heated rage the other morning? I ran downstairs, grabbed our large/heavy/blue mexican blanket adorned with dolphins, and threw it up as fast as I could. It has since stayed there, and has kept our room a minimum of 20 degrees cooler. I'm sure of it. Thank you tacky heat saver.. you've made my mornings. (:

{photo via Flickr}

Hiroshima

Circa Puerto Nuevo, Baja, Mexico. Ortega's Restaurant 5/2009.
Andrew has since had the bush of hair mostly removed from his head.

Warning: This post might happen to be a bit too personal for your taste.. so consider yourself liable for your feelings after having read said post.

Yes, Hiroshima. I'm pretty sure atomic BOMBS were going off in my insides last night. So much so that I felt like my stomach was a full balloon just about to BURST for all around to see. Oh man, was it not even pleasant. In fact, probably the furthest from it. And it's all the left over mashed potatoes and peas fault. Note to self: don't eat the leftovers if they did not get put into the fridge until 5+ hours after the meal. Also, not a good idea to finish a late episode of The Bachelorette with the late preserved potatoes.. two bowls full.
Anyway, moving on..
This hurt, it hurt so bad I felt like I was going to die. It was the northern equivalent of my WORST cramps ever, times 80. Actually more like, post miscarriage pain times two. (sorry, it's all I know, and it's true)
So if you know me personally (specification necessary, since blogs bring lots of unknowing visitors to the table, those of which probably feel like they know me pretty well.. which at this point you really do) you know I'm very easily made nauseous.. like the slightest anything, sick to my stomach. Oh you wanted to simply check directions on a piece of paper while driving? WRONG!
So to tie the points, this PEARL HARBOR like pain that was present last night.. made me so queezy. It didn't take much, and then I was forced to let it go (not with the natural ebb & flo if you know what I'm sayin..). I thought to myself right after "awesome, now I'll feel better!" PSYCH! The ever expanding feeling persisted, and so the pain grew worse. I couldn't handle it much longer (at this point it had been 2+ hours, starting at a lovely 2am) so off I went on a quest to find the quick SHUT THIS THING OFF! button. Yes, the pain pill stash that mother/father save for special occations. I had remembered that when dad encountered a sting ray for the first time ever last year, he had told me on multiple surf drives "Air, don't even worry, if we run into one of those, I've got us covered. --cue the bottle of Vicodin--"
PERFECT! So off I go, comfties and all to the front yard at about 4am with bossman's keys to save my vitality. Unlock, lift, grab.. and HALLELUJAH there they were. I was going through what felt like near death.. and that little white thing, saved my life. I got some water, went to bed.. and slept like I've never slept before. So much so that here I am.. awake only 3&1/2 hours later. 7:30am hasn't known me for YEARS.. and here I am, being the nicest version of myself in the morning that I can ever remember. My sweet husband was even impressed, and enjoyed hearing the story from his semi-loopy wife.

Cheers to Vicodin.
Thanks for saving me from the bonds of doom.

Dun, Dun, DUN..

We're doing our taxes.

...pray for us. So not a fun thing to do on a day like today.. but better now then later!

photo found via Flickr